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Most sex offenders "groom" their victims prior to any sexual abuse for a period of weeks, months or even years. After gaining trust in the parents, the offender offers to baby sit the child or provide fun activities. During this time, he/she proceeds to groom the child. The perpetrator is aware that the child must be controlled to the extent where he/she can sexually abuse the child without fear of disclosure to another adult. This manipulation may be obtained in many ways: favors, threats, guilt, shame, etc.
A mother revealed her husband played a tickling game with their three-year-old son. The rules of the game was to play with Daddy and have fun—the son was instructed to tickle his father’s nipples while sitting in a straddled position over his father’s nude body from the waist up. The object of this game was, ‘Make daddy laugh.’ Of course, the father could withhold laughing until he experienced the sexual stimulation he desired. When the mother objected to this game, the father admonished her for being jealous of his time with their son.
Another mother was horrified when her three-year old daughter asked her to play the ‘pee-pee’ game. She asked her daughter to explain this game. Her daughter lay on her back on the floor; legs spread and said, “Touch my ‘pee-pee,’ Mommy, that is what Daddy does.”
Fathers often cuddle in bed with their daughters in a spoon position, arm across their mid-body with only underware or pajamas on. Several clients have reported feeling their father’s penis against their legs or back, while not knowing what to do—as they wanted their father’s affection—they didn’t like the feeling of his genitals against their body. This cuddling seems harmless. The women also reported sexual abuse occurred sometime later. Was the cuddling in bed a form of grooming or was the cuddling an ill advised way to show affection with the child that unwittingly led to subsequent sexual abuse? In either belief, the damage is done.
In a study of twenty adult sex offenders conducted by Jon Cote, Steven Wolf and Tim Smith; two of the key questions asked were:
1. “Was there something about the child’s behavior which attracted you to the child?”
• “The warm and friendly child or the vulnerable child. Friendly, showed me their panties.”
• “The way the child would look at me, trustingly.”
• “The child who was teasing me, smiling at me, asking me to do favors.”
• “Someone who had been a victim before [sexual abuse or spankings], quiet, withdrawn, compliant. Someone, who had not been, a victim would be more non-accepting of the sexual language or stepping over the boundaries of modesty. Quieter, easier to manipulate, less likely to object or put up a fight…goes along with things.”
2. “After you had identified a potential victim, what did you do to engage the child into sexual contact?” The responses included:
• “I didn’t say anything. It was at night, and she was in bed asleep.”
• “Talking, spending time with them, being around them at bedtime, being around them in my underwear, sitting down on the bed with them. Constantly evaluating the child’s reaction… A lot of touching, hugging, kissing, snuggling.” [Desensitizing the child with appropriate behavior.]
• “Playing, talking, giving special attention, trying to get the child to initiate contact with me… Get the child to feel safe to talk with me… From here I would initiate different kinds of contact, such as touching the child’s back, head… Testing the child to see how much she would take before she would pull away.”
• “Isolate them from other people. Once alone, I would make a game of it (red light, green light with touching up their leg until they said stop). Making it fun.”
• “Most of the time I would start by giving them a rub down. When I got them aroused, I would take the chance and place my hand on their penis to masturbate them. If they would not object, I would take this to mean it was okay… I would isolate them. I might spend the night with them. Physical isolation, closeness, contact are more important than verbal seduction.
Many clients have reported their sexual abuse grooming started when they showered with a parent—or the parent/caretaker washed the child’s genital area with bare hands and soap long past the stage a child can attend to their own genital hygiene. While for some this activity was the extent of the covert sexual contact, but for others it evolved into overt sexual abuse. Even though the activity was only ‘rubbing’ the genital area ostensibly for bathing purposes, many people have suffered classic aftereffects of sexual abuse.
How? You might ask, would the child experience sexual abuse by having their genital area washed with bare hands and soap? The answer is simple. At birth, children are complete neurological sexual beings who can experience erotic sensation although they are sexually immature and without an active sex drive. Furthermore, the child experiences the adult’s physiology, which has sexual overtones, thus although the child doesn’t have a name for the experience the child knows something has changed. Within the definition of sexual abuse it is abuse, “If a child cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse she/he has been violated.”
Grooming or sexual abuse activities include:
• Playing pool tag—when the child is tagged ‘Playfully’ pulling the child’s swimsuit down.
• Pulling her panties down without her permission.
• Male holding a child on his lap while he has an erection.
• Kissing the child in a way that is sexual for the giver and inappropriate for the child.
• Seemingly innocuous touching, caressing, wrestling, tickling or playing, which has sexual overtones or meaning for the other person.
• Adult treats the child as an equal/peer, pseudo or surrogate spouse.
Unique and less frequently reported grooming activities:
• Male demonstrates and instructs the child how to suck on a peeled banana without breaking or putting teeth marks on it. Once the child has complied and masters the skill; this activity is shifted to his penis—often using the con—“I have a big banana between my legs, you can suck on it.”
• Male initiates a game of ‘sucking the jelly’ out of my big toe. Once the child has complied and understands the ‘game.’ This activity is shifted to his penis.
• Invading a child’s privacy, such as entering the bathroom or bedroom without knocking, catching her/him unaware or indisposed. This invasion is a power play—disempowering their victim—indoctrinating the child to comply with the adult’s authority and control in all situations and circumstances.
• Enemas or frequent inspection of the child’s genitals ostensibly for health reasons.
In the twenty-five years I have worked with sexual abuse survivors in the healing process, I have discovered a child is rarely subjected to only one type of sexual abuse. Furthermore, I have learned the sad truth about the human mind’s ability to seemingly conceive of endless ways to sexually abuse children.
Resource: Conte, Jon R., Steven Wolf, Tim Smith. "What Sexual Offenders Tell Us About Prevention Strategies." Child Abuse & Neglect Vol. 13 (1989): 293-301.
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Your doctor may recommend surgery as a prosate cancer treatment. Operation is likely to be a less complicated if your prostate cancer is in its early stages of development. In this case, your surgeon may just remove the cancerous section of your prostate gland. However, there are cases where prostate cancer surgery treatment does not go according to plan. As with every type of surgery, there is always the possibility of complications.
One possible complication is that if the nerves that control the penis become damaged during prostate cancer treatment. If this complication happens, you may develop impotence. You should discuss this possibility with your doctor. Be sure that your partner is also aware of the risks as you will need to talk over this issue with her.
Two other possible consequences of surgery for prostate cancer may also develop. They include incontinence and urinary leakage. Incontinence is when you do not have much control over passing urine. Urinary leakage is where you have some control but not totally. So you dribble a little either before or after voiding your bladder. These two symptoms often disappear after a few weeks; however, there are cases where they may not.
Surgery for prostate cancer is a painful procedure. You are likely to experience a great deal of discomfort after the operation. You need to be prepared that you will need to have the help of nurses and loved ones with toileting. However, you should not get overly distressed with this as it is really a very small price to pay for becoming cancer-free.
There are a number of surgery options for prostate cancer treatment available and the one you choose will be specific to your case. You need to discuss them over carefully with your oncologist before choosing a one.
More often than not, your entire prostate gland will be removed so that there is little chance of the cancer returning some time later. The surrounding lymph nodes will also be removed as this is the first place that the cancer would have spread to. Removing your prostate gland can help to reduce or stop the spread of cancerous cells throughout your body.
A radical prostatectomy removes the entire prostate gland. However, your surgeon can enter the body through the abdomen or through an incision made between the scrotum and the anus. In some cases, where the cancer is confined to a specific area of the prostate gland, he may suggest key-hole surgery or laparoscopy for removing only affected sections of the gland.
Going through surgery for prosate cancer treatment can cause you much emotional as well as physical pain. You should try to focus your energies on getting better and to be positive in the light of your experience.
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Nitric Oxide (NO) booster supplements have quickly become the hottest selling products on the market. With more and more concern over the long term use and side effects of pro hormones and steroid precursors (not to mention their tenuous legal status), many bodybuilders are looking for alternatives.
In 1998, Doctors Robert F Furchgott, Louis J Ignarro and Ferid Murad won the Nobel Prize for Science when their research proved that Nitric Oxide was "a signalling molecule in the cardiovascular system". Their research proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that elevated levels of NO played a role in numerous bodily functions. Dr Ignarro has even been quoted "Nitric Oxide deficiency can contribute to nearly every major disease of our times". Two of the benefits of NO in the body are the relaxation and dilation (enlargement) of blood vessels and also tissue repair.
Nitric Oxide is produced in the body by the amino acid L-Arginine. The problem however is that the average person only gets enough L-Arginine in their daily diet to cover the basic bodily functions. This is where NO boosters have become popular. These products are based on L-Arginine in the form of Alpha Ketogluterate. This form of L-Arginine is more bio-available so it is utilized more efficiently in the body.
BSN, a leading manufacturer of nutritional supplements developed their product "Nitrix" primarily for the bodybuilding community. After the Nobel Prize winning research, that clearly proved the effects of elevated NO levels, BSN realized that this blood vessel dilation effect could have numerous benefits. The first thing Nitrix users will notice after a week or two is better "pumps" and increased vascularity when working out. "The Pump" is when a muscle that is being worked through heavy weight training becomes engorged with blood and gets bigger and harder. Additionally, Nitrix increases vascularity. Bodybuilders love seeing forearms and biceps that have huge, clearly defined veins bulging.
One of the other benefits that users report with Nitrix is better recovery from their training. Since blood vessels are bigger, nutrients and blood flow are shuttled throughout the body more readily
So are there any downsides to Nitrix? Well, side effects that have been reported are few but some people who take more than the recommended dose of Nitrix have reported stomach upset. It is important to take the dose suggested.
While it's not necessarily a side effect, another downside to Nitrix is the size of the tablets. They are rather large and since you need to take 3 at a time, it can be bothersome to some people.
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I heard a well-known psychologist state, “a man falls in love with the way his woman makes him feel when she’s around him.” As a husband and father of three, I say, “Yes, that’s true!”
But, how do you make her feel?
There are many qualities that make a good man – providing for your family, being a good parent, being the spiritual leader of your family, and so on…
However, like many men, I am also fixated, to a degree, on how I look and how I perform sexually. I’m not sure where this comes from in men, but I know that I am not alone.
I’ve heard women state, “size doesn’t matter.” I’ve also heard women refer to their lovers as, “minute men.” I know personally, and because my wife and I do share our feelings with one another, truthfully, that size and duration of sex does matter, for her. I suspect she is not alone either.
So personally, this is one more area where I strive to make my wife happy. I’ll correct myself. As she would say, “it’s not that I’m unhappy. I’m just happier, now.”
In order for anyone to apply any of what I write, it is important that first, you and your partner communicate. And, you must both be TRUTHFUL.
So, does your wife think penis size is important? Here’s a little scenario to see for yourself, if your partner is satisfied with your penis size. Only use this if you’re both open-minded in the “size” conversation. Otherwise, it may cause problems. Here it is:
Tell her: 'Imagine there is another guy that is an exact duplicate of me, like a clone. Body, personality, everything is the same except one thing. The clone has a smaller penis than mine. One inch less in length and circumference. Now imagine the two of us in front of you. Which one do you choose to have sex with?'
If you don't belong to the less than 0.1% of men whose penises are just too big for most women, she will choose you of course. But maybe she feels the trick coming and decides that she wants both of you because she 'likes variety'. Insist that she can only have one because the other one will evaporate or whatever. She will surely choose you above the clone.
Then continue: 'Okay, now imagine this same clone but with a larger penis than mine, one inch more in length and circumference. Who do you choose now?'
She will not answer it. True, it is a dirty question that brings out the truth and shows the deepest desire of your woman. It is a no-win situation for you because even if she chooses you above the bigger one you won't believe her. But let's say she insists and repeats that she really doesn't want it to be bigger. Trick her like this: 'Okay, pretend I do not exist and there are only the two clones, one with a penis smaller than mine and one with a penis larger than mine. Who do you choose now?'
Force her to choose, just as she was able to choose earlier on. She will most likely choose the bigger one. All this means is that no healthy normal girl will choose the guy with the small penis if all other things about them are equal. And that bigger is most of the times better and that in her mind she might wish you were a bit bigger.
Attention: don't use this trick unless she lies to you about the size of your penis. Otherwise you are simply creating a problem instead of solving one. {Pg. 43, penissizedebate.com}
The truth is, for some men, even if their partners are happy, size does matter. I would offer this though – to try to compare penis size to breast size in women, let’s say aesthetically, doesn’t work. Breasts are evident; we men get to see what we’re getting beforehand. A man’s package is not so evident (for very large men, it can be). So women tend to focus more on the eyes, hair-style, dress/fashion, smell, etc.
Regardless, I’ve been body-building and nutrition for over twenty years, and I want my wife to be aesthetically attracted to all of my body. These have been my experiences, with a variety of products.
I had reached a goal with my physique, where I was very happy with myself. My muscle size was above average, there was symmetry, my skin was healthy, and I carried an air of confidence. Then, I removed my briefs… My muscles had grown, they had hardness to them; I was cut. But, below the belt, I was the same size as I was before weight training. So, my first attempt to increase size was with penis pills.
I ordered one brand that I saw advertised on television. The product insert recommended a certain dosage and that I perform some penis exercises, commonly referred to as “jelging.” Jelging requires that you stretch and manipulate the penis to achieve a semi-erect state. Then, while holding the blood in the penis with an “ok” sign grip, you would continue to force blood, with a stroking motion towards the head of the penis.
After just about two weeks of the jelging-pill combination I saw a noticeable increase in size, mostly in the flaccid state. One day, while exiting the bathroom after a shower, my wife made the comment, “nice hang.” So, do women notice? You bet! Because, I became more confident with the new size, I inadvertently became more confident with the act of sex. My erect size, although not as evident as the flaccid state, increased too.
I had reached a plateau, but wanted to be bigger. I was interested in marketing a pump-device, used by a prominent doctor (M.D.) in the penis-enlargement industry. So, I ordered one.
I used the pump the day I received it. After just one half hour session, my response was “Wow!” When I came out of the bathroom, my wife looked down and her eyes just about popped out of her head. Unfortunately, after about an hour, the results subsided, but I was inspired to continue with the recommended protocol. We often had sex, while I was in this increased size state, and my wife felt a very noticeable difference. A ring placed around the base of the penis, designed to maintain blood in the erect penis prolonged the larger state.
I took “before and after” pictures all through my program. There was a very noticeable increase in flaccid state size, and now, even some increase in erect size. Once again, my wife made the comment, “ummm… that’s a good size.” However, this was during penetration. She also commented on how “Full” she felt, this was referring to the increase in girth. I achieved a size that I was very happy and comfortable with. So, I decreased the frequency of pump sessions. I now only pump once a week at most, more so, once every two weeks.
In addition, I’ve continued to take the PE (penis enlargement) Pills, and I’ve added one that increases seminal fluid output during ejaculation. I am now, like woman are fortunate to be able to do, experiencing multiple orgasms. This feels GREAT! This is referred to as, “The Ropes.”
Another product I use, that contains a synergistic blend of ten different Chinese herbs. I am over 40 years old, and I’ve noticed a decrease in the amount of times I can achieve an erection in a time period. While taking this product, which I only do when I’m anticipating a sexual encounter, I achieve harder, longer lasting erections. My refractionary time is shortened, meaning I need less “down time” between orgasms. I have now, like I did in my early twenty’s, gone 4-5 times a night! These results have lasted me 24, or more hours. So far, this product has worked the first time, every time.
With a hectic, busy schedule, that includes caring for and raising three small children, our sex life had seemed to take a dive. One thing we made a point to do was to create a “date night.” The other was to create a night that we planned to have sex on. This created some exciting anticipation, which promotes some preparation for the encounter. The preparation is exciting too! The increases in size I’ve attained and the addition of the herbal products I use have added newness to our relationship after ten years together.
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To increase male libido naturally, you should try the supplements outlined here - not only will they increase male libido they will also make you feel happier and healthier.
So here are the best supplements for increasing male libido:
· L argentine
This nutrient is highly important for peak sexual performance. In fact, it is probably the most effective natural supplement for increasing male libido.
Current studies support the use of argentine supplements to ensure that nitric oxide secretion is sufficient to keep blood flowing to the penis.
Nitric oxide insufficiency can stop the penis from becoming erect, as it relaxes smooth muscles in the penis during sexual stimulation, allowing increased blood flow to the penis – so it’s needed to produce and sustain an erection.
A study published in 1994 showed an 80 percent improvement in the erectile function of men given 2.8 grams of argentine a day for two weeks.
· L Tyrosine
Supports and assists neurotransmitters in the brain. Reduced levels of L-Tyrosine are present when your body’s under stress, aged, or tired.
L-Tyrosine supplementation helps reduce stress, improves mental alertness, and enhances mood, which in many instances manifests itself in increased male libido.
· Gingko Bilbao
Used to improve blood flow around the body, and functions as an anti-oxidant in the body.
Ginkgo is a standard herbal remedy for male sexual dysfunction and increasing male libido, due to its affect on blood circulation.
· Ginseng
Korean Ginseng - used in China as a sexual balancer and revitalizing tonic for over 7000 years - an adaptogen, and believed to help maintain balance in the body and help the body adapt to stress.
Korean Ginseng is widely known for its ability to boost energy (including sex drive) and support the immune system.
As an adaptogen, it also helps you adapt to physical or emotional stress and fatigue.
Ginseng also has a normalizing effect on hormone imbalances, and boosts metabolic rate, as well as improving blood flow to the genitals.
· Selenium
Selenium - believed to be good for sperm production and mobility - nearly 50% of the selenium in a man is in the testes and seminal ducts; men lose selenium in their semen.
Getting enough selenium is therefore vital for peak sexual performance and male libido.
· Zinc
Zinc is required for the production of testosterone, and the zinc content of the prostate gland and sperm, is higher than in any other body tissues.
A deficiency of zinc is associated with numerous sexual problems, including sperm abnormalities and prostate disease.
Zinc not only helps produce testosterone, but also helps to maintain semen volume and adequate levels of testosterone, therefore maintaining sex drive and keeping sperm healthy.
· Magnesium
Magnesium is a trace mineral that is important for the production of sex hormones such as androgen, estrogen and neurotransmitters that modulate the sex drive - such as dopamine and nor epinephrine.
· Essential Vitamins
Vitamin A
Helps regulate the synthesis of the sex hormone progesterone.
Vitamin B1
Thiamine (B1) is essential for optimal nerve transmission and energy production throughout the body - which means it's essential for sex.
Vitamin C
Participates in the synthesis of hormones that are involved in sex and fertility: androgen, estrogen and progesterone
Vitamin E
Often referred to as the sex vitamin, is a powerful anti-aging antioxidant that protects cell membranes from free-radical damage.
Vitamin E is also required for the synthesis of hormones, and hormone like substances known as prostaglandin.
